Rewiring Safety: How to Trust Again

Learning to Flow……

When you’ve been hurt enough times, you start to build walls so high that even love can’t find its way in. You learn to survive by protecting yourself, not by connecting. Every new face feels like a potential threat, every moment of vulnerability feels like a setup, and trusting someone becomes an act that feels both dangerous and foreign.

But here’s the truth trauma hides from us:

You’re not meant to live in defense forever.

Healing doesn’t mean you never build walls again — it means you learn when to open the gate.

The first step isn’t about learning to trust others. It’s about learning to trust yourself again.

Trauma disconnects you from your inner compass — that quiet voice that knows what feels right, what feels safe, and what feels aligned. When your nervous system has lived in survival mode for too long, safety starts to feel unfamiliar. So, you rebuild safety from the inside out. You begin by knowing who you are without the noise of anyone else’s expectations or validation.

Therapeutic Ways to Reconnect with Yourself

1. Journaling for Self-Discovery:

Start writing every morning (before your mind fills with distractions) or night (to reflect on your day and set intentions of how you will show up tomorrow- I prefer the night). Ask yourself honest questions like, “What am I feeling right now?” or “What do I need that I’m not giving myself?” This practice helps you rebuild emotional awareness — a key part of trauma recovery. GET VULERABLE WITH YOURSELF!

2. Body-Based Awareness (Somatic Work):

Your body remembers what your mind tries to forget. Pay attention to where your tension lives — maybe your chest tightens when you feel unsafe or your stomach knots when someone crosses a boundary. Instead of pushing it away, breathe into it. Place your hand over that area, acknowledge it, and say, “I hear you, I’m safe now.” That small act of self-soothing begins to restore trust between you and your body. Believe me, this works! My 8-year-old daughter practices this naturally when she feels nervous about something.

3. Mapping Your Triggers:

Write down moments when you felt activated — that sudden rush of anxiety, defensiveness, or withdrawal. Then trace back what happened right before it. Was it a tone of voice? A certain type of rejection? A memory? Learning your triggers isn’t about judging them; it’s about decoding them. It helps you understand what your inner child or wounded self still needs comfort around.

4. Reparenting Practices:

Trauma often stems from emotional neglect — the love, validation, or security you didn’t receive when you needed it most. Start speaking to yourself the way you needed to be spoken to back then. Use affirmations like:“I’m proud of you.”“You didn’t deserve that pain.”“You are safe with me now.”These consistent self-nurturing repairs the attachment wound within.

Shadow Work: Going Deeper Within

Your shadow is everything you’ve suppressed to survive — your fears, shame, anger, jealousy, and unhealed wounds. But hidden within that shadow is your power. To know yourself fully, you must be willing to meet all of you — not just the parts that are easy to love.

Here are gentle ways to begin that process:

Mirror Work:

Stand in front of a mirror and look yourself in the eyes for at least a minute. Notice the emotions that arise. Say out loud, “I forgive you for what you didn’t know back then.” Tell yourself. “I Love You” ten times as you stare into your eyes. At first, this was uncomfortable for me, but over time this was game changing! I started getting sassy in the mirror, winking at myself, smiling so hard and just admiring my glow up! This builds self-acceptance and helps you integrate the parts of you that feel broken.

Sacred Solitude:

Set aside time weekly for stillness — light a candle, journal, meditate, or pray. Let the quiet reveal what you’ve been avoiding. Healing requires listening more than fixing. THIS IS KEY! We have to learn to be alone and connect with our inner being. We have to sit and feel, whatever comes up, let it flow out. Turn off your damn phone, stop scrolling social media and turn off the TV. Go be with yourself!!! The more time I spent with myself and got real with myself, the more I trusted myself and amplified the way I showed up for ME. My peace is important and I came to a place of contentment where I let others be them and I am me. Detach from their behavior and focus on how you are still going to proceed with being you no matter what! Let them!

Emotional Release Rituals:

Allow yourself to cry, scream into a pillow, write unsent letters, smash things, purge old shit, do energy work or take a salt bath after heavy emotions. I like to dance and somatically move my body, utilize Yoga poses, breathwork and meditate. These are not signs of weakness — they’re energetic releases that signal to your nervous system, “It’s safe to let go now.”

Creative Expression:

Art, music, dance, poetry — they speak the language of the subconscious. Express what you can’t yet verbalize. Writing and music are my outlets. Creation is a form of freedom!

Becoming Your Own Safe Place

Setting boundaries is not about keeping people out; it’s about keeping your peace intact. Boundaries are the blueprint of self-trust. When you say, “This is what I need,” and you follow through — you’re teaching your body that you can be trusted to protect you.

And when you trust yourself, it becomes easier to discern who is safe to let in.

Learning to be alone is the next sacred layer. Because solitude isn’t loneliness — it’s sovereignty. It’s where you realize your energy isn’t something to be filled; it’s something to be protected and cultivated. You learn how to enjoy your own company, how to find joy in your rituals, how to create beauty in your stillness. You start designing a life that reflects your own values, your rhythm, your peace — not the version of you that needed someone to complete her.

The deepest form of feminine power emerges when you stop waiting to be chosen and start choosing yourself every day.

When you build your life from your own foundation — emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and physically — anyone who enters becomes an addition, not a rescue. You realize that love is meant to enhance, not replace. That partnership is meant to compliment, not complete. You’re not starting your life when someone arrives — you’re inviting them into the one you’ve already built.

And that’s the real shift: When you know yourself deeply, you no longer lose yourself in love. When you trust yourself completely, you no longer fear loss. You remember — you will be okay with them and without them — because your peace doesn’t belong to anyone else.

That’s queen energy.

That’s feminine power.

It’s the energy that flows when a woman rises from her own ashes, soft yet grounded, open yet wise.

She no longer fears being alone because she has met the version of herself that knows how to live, love, and lead from within.

She’s not waiting for someone to start her life.

She’s living it — fully, freely, fiercely.

Reflection & Prayer

Dear God, help me to release the armor I once needed to survive. Remind me that safety now lives within me, not outside of me. Guide me in seeing myself clearly — in all my light and shadow — and teach me to trust the woman I’m becoming. May I honor my boundaries, protect my peace, and love without losing myself. I am whole. I am safe. I am free. Amen.

Own Your Light,

Soldier Mom